English Books

12 Item(s)

  • Am I the Princess or the Frog? (Dear Dumb Diary #3)

    Jamie is crushing on Hudson. Someone too-gross-to-be- named is crushing on Jamie. And Hudson is crushing on . . . Princess Turd of Turdsylvania (a.k.a. The Prettiest Girl in the World).


    Middle school may be grim, but it's no fairy tale. And crazy doesn't even begin to cover it.


    "Dear Dumb Diary,


    I got another poem today from You-Know-Who!


    'She is the fairest blossom, true,


    She blooms in any weather.


    But I must love her from afar.


    We'll never be together.'


    Signed,


    M.P.


    Can you believe the pain he's in? His suffering? The crushing heartache he endures every time he sees me? Gosh, it just makes me so happy!"

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  • Can Adults Become Human? (Dear Dumb Diary #5)

    Jamie Kelly believes that life at Mackerel Middle School is looking up after Aunt Carol comes to work there. The mean office ladies are suddenly smiling and Jamie thinks it's because chocolate bars have replaced the butterscotch candies in the principal's office. When Assistant Principal Devon suddenly looks handsome and Angeline starts acting friendly to her, Jamie's life is about to get really weird!

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  • It’s Not My Fault I Know Everything (Dear Dumb Diary #8)

    It's an eventful month for Jamie Kelly. Stinker and Stickybuns' litter of puppies has arrived -- which makes Jamie and her nemesis Angeline "in-laws by dog." Ugh.


    Jamie's class at Mackerel Middle School is doing a unit on journal-writing, and someone's diary falls into the wrong hands.


    But worst of all, Angeline and Isabella are becoming . . . friends.


    Dear Dumb Diary,


    It's not my fault I know everything.


    Okay, I don't know where Timbuktu is, but I refuse to know that. Even if somebody told me, I would flush my brain like a thought-potty and wave goodbye to Timbuktu as it swirled down my brain hole.


    I know everything that I WANT to know.

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  • Let’s Pretend This Never Happened (Dear Dumb Diary #1)

    Read the hilarious, candid (& sometimes mean) diaries of Jamie Kelly, who promises that everything in her diary is true...or at least as true as it needs to be. In this book, Jamie contends with Angeline, the school's prettiest, most popular girl (who Jamie thinks is a goon!) and the impending visit of her troll-like little cousin.


    Will Jamie survive? Will she go mad? Will she send her mom's nasty casserole to starving children in Wheretheheckistan? You'll just have to read the first installment of Dear Dumb Diary to find out!


     

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  • Me! (Just Like You, Only Better) (Dear Dumb Diary #12)

    Bestselling author Jamie Kelly is back with an all-new, all-funny diary! But she has no idea that anybody is reading it. So please, please, please don't tell her.


    Dear Dumb Diary,


    I went five whole days without seeing or hearing from Angeline. I was beginning to get used to it. It's true that I have learned to overlook many of Angeline's flaws, like her flawlessness, but she can still be difficult to be around. Like when she's lit perfectly, for example.


    To my extreme credit, I have learned to pretend to ignore Angeline's failure to not be perfect.

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  • My Pants are Haunted (Dear Dumb Diary #2)

    They were just a soft, ordinary pair of thrift-shop jeans until Jamie Kelly tried them on. Then they became a tight, scratchy, slightly smelly, and utterly ordinary pair of thrift-shop jeans with an embarrassing haunting problem. Do the pants have the power to soothe a vengeful beagle, vanquish The Prettiest Girl in the World, or make the wearer irresistible to the eighth cutest guy in the grade? Are the haunted pants so dazzling they can hurt and maybe permanently damage the eyes of onlookers? Or are the haunted pants just, well, haunted (which is kind of gross when you think about it)?


     

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  • Never Do Anything, Ever (Dear Dumb Diary #4)

    Her best friend's a backstabber. Her worst enemy is a sweetheart. And her dog is just waiting for the right moment to seek his revenge. Why should Jamie even bother going to school? Why not?

    After a run-in with Mega-Popular Angeline, aka Pure Evil, Jamie reforms her selfish ways and becomes the decent human being she never thought she could be. But she quickly realizes that helping others kind of stinks.

    Is someone trying to thwart her attempts at irresistible inner beauty? Or will Jamie finally achieve the "I'm an angel" glow she knows will make Hudson Rivers fall madly in love with her?


     

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  • Never Underestimate Your Dumbness (Dear Dumb Diary #7)

    The wedding Dear Dumb Diary readers have been anxiously anticipating is about to become a reality: Jamie's aunt and Angeline's uncle joined together until death do they part -- or until the divorce Jamie has been feverishly wishing for since they started dating finally happens. Now, three of Jamie's most dreaded nightmares are about to be combined into one unbearable event:


    1) Very VERY poofy brown dresses


    2) Wedding clogs


    3) A lifetime of being related to Angeline, a.k.a. Blondewad


    Jamie has just one word for this kind of horror:


    "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!"

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  • Okay, So Maybe I Do Have Superpowers (Dear Dumb Diary #11)

    Bestselling author Jamie Kelly has been keeping diaries for years . . . and each one just gets funnier! But she has no idea that anyone is reading them. So please, please, please don't tell her.


    Something strange is happening at Mackerel Middle School. Even stranger than Jamie and Isabella becoming friends with Angeline. (Which is still really, really strange.) Jamie can suddenly and inexplicably understand the weirdest and most mysterious creatures around: Boys.


    And there's only one logical explanation --- superpowers.


     

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  • That’s What Friends Aren’t For (Dear Dumb Diary #9)

    Dear Dumb Diary,


    So now I'm friends with Angeline. This is automatic friendship, and I have to just accept it and make the best of things.


    See, if I objected, then Aunt Carol might divorce Angeline's uncle, sending both of them tumbling into a deep pit of depression for the rest of their lives, and Angeline could wind up feeling so guilty that she would have to go be locked up in an old dirty insane asylum for years and years, and Stinker's puppies could grow up not knowing both their parents --- and I couldn't live with myself for doing something like that to a puppy.

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  • The Problem with Here Is That It’s Where I’m From (Dear Dumb Diary #6)

    When the school district starts sending kids over to Mackerel Middle School, she shows up. She is friendly, fabulous, smart, totally talented, and she is more brilliantly diabolical than Isabella, as blindly loyal as Stinker, and even harder-to-resist than Angeline. It's enough to make Jamie throw up a little.


     

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  • The Worst Things In Life are Also Free (Dear Dumb Diary #10)

    School's out for the summer, and that means no more Meat Loaf Thursdays, Sunday homework-cramming, or teachers (way way unsuccessfully) trying to act cool. It also means that certain Mackerel Middle Schoolers have a lot of time on their hands . . . and seriously empty pockets.


    Isabella is going to change all that. And Jamie and Angeline are going to help —- whether they like it or not. It's the best kind of teamwork: When a whole bunch of people work together to do something wrong, instead of doing it wrong one at a time.

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